


Natural Pearl

by Corvin



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:59:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvin/pseuds/Corvin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin struggles with his feelings for a married recruit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natural Pearl

**Author's Note:**

> I just really fucking love this pairing and I had to write something. Hope you enjoy!

Merlin was just as shocked as everyone else when Harry arrived (an hour late) with his proposal for Lancelot’s replacement.

 

Lee Unwin was twenty-five years old, a bit shorter and thinner than the rest of the candidates, and plucked fresh out of his second tour in Afghanistan. His southern accent was rough, while his demeanor was respectful, bordering on awed when he fell in with the rest of the candidates.

 

He wasn’t like the rest of them, but it wasn’t Merlin’s job to judge that. It was his job to find out whose limits could be stretched the farthest.

 

 

This was only Merlin’s second batch of recruits to train. The others had been only a few years before when the previous Dagonet retired at age seventy-three. He knew what to expect, hazing amongst themselves, fierce competition, and sometimes even backstabbing; but Lee was different.

 

The very first night when they flooded the room, Merlin watched him swim to the plant, a skinny, nonthreatening man at the far side of the room. He faked drowning while Lee dragged him towards the toilets where the others had fashioned snorkels.

 

And that was only the beginning.

 

After a week, Lee was already ostracized for the most part. A few of the recruits didn’t think themselves above cordial words, but Lee was never part of their comradery. He was quiet during their downtime, when he wasn’t encouraging one of the other, softer recruits. He was focused and damn near unstoppable in their training exercises. He doted on his dog, an Australian shepherd named Waffles, going so far as to letting the damned thing sleep under his blanket with him.

 

He wore his jumpsuit well, his whipcord muscles just big enough to pull the fabric, but not so much that it was ill fitting. He wore a dark blue pinstripe one that brought out the golden highlights of his hair, and the many shades of his hazel green eyes.

 

Merlin couldn’t say for sure when he started staring. Only that as the days went on, as he spent nearly every waking moment with his recruits, his eyes more often than not began to seek out Lee.

 

 

“Sir,” Lee said in a breathless greeting. He and Waffles jogged up to meet Merlin by the gate. The other recruits were nowhere in sight.

 

“First again,” Merlin said, marking on his clipboard. After so many weeks, it was starting to feel redundant. Lee came to them fresh out of the army; his stamina was head and shoulders above the other recruits. Merlin had to admit, he was certain Lee would be the next Lancelot. “I’m starting to wonder if you aren’t getting the answers ahead of time.

 

Lee looked startled, but Merlin smiled to show him amusement. “It was mostly luck this time, sir.” Lee looked down, forever humble against Merlin and any other agents the recruits came in contact with. “James and I both saw the trap, but his dog wouldn’t keep going.”

 

The trap was a series of meaty treats for the dogs to test how well their masters had trained them. James was a damn good candidate, but his Swedish lapphund, Alistair was a willful beast.

 

“I disagree,” Merlin inclined his head to Waffles, sitting obediently next to Lee’s leg. “You’ve done a magnificent job, not that I expected any less.”

 

Merlin always remembered that day; the day Lee looked back. It was subtle, quick, but Merlin watched the way Lee’s eyes dropped down to his mouth, the way they dilated as his cheeks took the slightest hue of red. Merlin licked his lips, and Lee’s gaze followed the gesture.

 

“Thank you sir,” Lee sounded breathless again, but for a very different reason.

 

“Not at all,” Merlin’s voice dropped a register, and he knew it was inappropriate the moment he did so. He’d read Lee’s file, the man had a young wife and younger child. He was not, and would never be the sort of man to pursue a married person. He cleared his throat, and Lee did the same, seeming to notice the shift in the atmosphere as keenly as Merlin.

 

“Thank you all the same, sir.” Lee smiled awkwardly. “Not a secret no one wants me here. You’ve been fair to me, and I appreciate it.”

 

Merlin nodded, but he spotted a few more recruits emerging from the tree line. “You’re excused,” He said to Lee. “We’ll have down time for the rest of the evening.”

 

Lee straightened up, and Merlin could see the way his arm twitched to salute. “Yes sir, thank you.”

 

 

It was shameful, the way the looks only grew from there.

 

 

Merlin respected commitments, especially the one made to one’s life partner. But all the same his behavior changed.

 

His eyes sought out Lee’s form no matter what activity the recruits were doing, and he hated himself for it. It only helped that Lee seemed to struggle as much as him. It truly seemed as if the young man had trouble keeping his eyes from straying to Merlin, even during the more dangerous exercises.

 

Once, during hand to hand combat training, Bedivere’s recruit had Lee pinned in under a minute. Merlin refused to let himself believe it was because he’d briefly stretched his arms, but the embarrassed hunch of Lee’s shoulders spoke volumes.

 

Then during the sky diving test, five recruits jumped from the plane. Dagonet’s recruit who was a particularly nasty young man from Cambridge began to mutter abuse at Lee. Merlin said the first thing that came to mind, one of them was missing a parachute.

 

Everyone panicked, but managed to figure out a system to find out who it was. It was almost an innocent trick on his part until Lee whispered in a small, quiet voice, “Merlin?”

 

He’d never heard fear in the man’s voice before. Despite everything their recruits went through, Lee met it all with a laser focus and drive that impressed even Arthur (though he was loathe to admit it.) When Merlin went out to meet them, and send home the fifth man who landed outside the K, he couldn’t even look at him.

 

He only saw Lee’s grin in his periphery; he was probably quite excited to make it to the final four.   

 

 

Merlin sat alone in his office that night, going over his reports. Arthur wanted to be kept up to date, and so did Harry. Merlin took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

 

Harry knew. Of course Harry knew.

 

It had only taken a wrong glance at the wrong moment when Harry was nearby. His friend was too good of an agent to miss anything, and knew Merlin too well to be fooled when Merlin looked away. Luckily, he was also too much of a gentleman to say anything more than, “He’s married, Merlin.”

 

To which Merlin replied with evident self-loathing, “I know.”

 

He did know, he thought about it quite often. He thought about it as he briefed them all on their faux-honeypot mission. It was a favorite of Arthur’s, and a good way to cut down the recruits who’d managed to hold on that long. It was efficient, even though Merlin attributed it mostly to Arthur’s semi-sadistic streak.

 

He was readying his computers, the damnable things took forever to boot and connect, when there was a knock at the door. He stood up, “Come in.” And promptly wanted to fall back into his seat when Lee stepped in.

 

Instead Merlin crossed his arms and straightened his posture. “Unwin.”

 

“Sir,” Lee smiled. Merlin forcibly took no notice of the way his cheeks were a fetching pink. “I wanted to ask about the mission.”

 

Merlin frowned, “I gave you all the information you’d need in the dossier.”

 

“I know, but…” Lee’s smiled dropped. Merlin tried not to shift, waiting for him to continue. But he looked around the room, opening his mouth only to close it again.

 

Finally Merlin cleared his throat. “Is this about your wife?” There was nothing else it could be about, considering they were essentially sending him to cheat on his wife. “Unwin, honeypots aren’t completely uncommon. If you want to be Lancelot you’re going to have to get used to it.”

 

“Yeah but, what if, I don’t know. What if I just got her somewhere else or something?” Lee raked his fingers through his downy hair. He stepped closer, visibly struggling for words. “Just, if it’s just for a test can’t I just prove that I can?”

 

Merlin licked his lips, “No one is doubting your faithfulness to—” He stopped, because Lee was staring at his mouth. They were leaning towards each other, and they were already standing too close as it was. When had that happened? He tried to look away from Lee’s eyes, they were too blue this close, but then he looked at Lee’s parted lips and it was even worse.

 

“Merlin,” Lee whispered his name, but it was different from the skydiving incident. It was warm, hiding something even more heated, and Merlin could feel it brush across his face.

 

He stepped back, and almost told Lee to sit, but there was only one chair in his office. So he said, “We need to talk about this.”

 

Lee snapped to attention, a look of horror dawning across his face. “I’m sorry sir,” He said in a toneless soldier’s voice. “I didn’t mean to overstep or make you uncomfortable.”

 

“That’s not what I mean. Lee,” He gave in to an urge, and reached out to take hold of one of Lee’s hands. “I mean, we need to have a conversation about…this.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Merlin wasn’t sure where to start. Confess his admiration and minor obsession, or start with how he would never let it interfere with their professional relationship. Because Merlin was confident they’d have one, Lee was a spectacular young man, Harry had chosen well despite what Arthur would say. Merlin would always esteem and respect him. Instead of any of that he blurted out, “You’re beautiful.”

 

Lee’s face was worth it. He was perfectly wide-eyed, wonderfully red, and truly the most beautiful man Merlin had ever seen. The moment could have almost been perfect, but Merlin dealt in reality, and the reality of the situation was that Lee wasn’t available to him; may never be available to him. He took a deep breath and summoned as much strength as he could to finish the thought.

 

“Over the past several weeks I’ve developed strong feelings for you.” Lee’s lips curled up and he started to lean closer, but Merlin shook his head slightly. “However, I would never dream of violating your family in that way.”

 

“Oh,” Lee shook his head more vigorously than Merlin and stepped back. “No, neither would I. Not even for you; I—Sir, I…”

 

“You don’t have to say it.” Merlin soothed, and in truth, he didn’t want to hear it. Unrequited feelings were terribly painful, but a lot less messy than what was happening (or not happening) between them.

 

“No, you were brave enough to do it, I can be too.” Lee argued. “I like you, Merlin, a lot. If I hated myself I’d say I love you— If that even makes sense.”

 

It did make sense. Self-preservation had kept Merlin from saying that word in particular as well.

 

“I’m glad we’re in agreement. And of course, our,” he searched for something neutral, “mutual feelings will have no bearing on the ‘interviewing’ process, or on your role as Lancelot should you receive the position.”

 

Lee raised his eyebrows. “Is that it?”

 

“Why shouldn’t it be? We’ve said our peace, these feelings will pass.” Merlin smiled somewhat bitterly but he was proud of himself. He brought Lee’s hand up, pausing to say, “If you wouldn’t mind” before bending at the waist to press a kiss to his knuckles.

 

It was stupid and Merlin knew it. But surely no one would begrudge him the harmless indulgence to just once feel Lee’s skin under his lips. It was heavenly to be honest, even if they were lightly calcified from brawling, boot camp, and Kingsman training, they were Lee’s hands. They were built to protect the people he loved, to be gentle and loving or ruthless and warlike.

 

Merlin straightened and started to thank Lee, but was cut off by a mouth against his own.

 

Lee’s hand curled around the back of his neck and pulled him close. Merlin’s brain shut off at the muffled, longing noises from both of them, and he gripped Lee’s hip, almost clawing in desperation.

 

This was cruelty at its worse; the way Lee’s tongue ghosted past his lips and enticed him. The way Lee rocked ever so gently, as if being in Merlin’s arms stripped him of control. The way they lost themselves so entirely that Lee actually bit Merlin’s lip when the clipboard clattered to the ground.

 

Merlin turned his face away first, and Lee obediently moved back several paces. They stared at each other breathlessly. For an instant Merlin hated Lee for staring at him with starry eyes and wet lips. As if he’d welcome Merlin if he would only move back in for another kiss.

 

But then he saw the guilt bleed into Lee’s expression, and he looked away.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lee whispered.

 

“It’s fine.” Merlin replied, even though it really wasn’t. He wasn’t a monster though, and Lee was looking downtrodden enough. He cautiously moves closer, just enough to pat Lee’s shoulder reassuringly. “We’ll call it a moment of weakness.”

 

“If things were different—”

 

“We can hardly speak to that.” Merlin said firmly. “They are as they are.”

 

“I know. I’m just saying.” Lee held his arms up, “Should we hug?”

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t fight when Lee wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. It wasn’t a danger like the kiss had been, Merlin noticed, holding Lee as well. It was a goodbye hug, full of closure and acquiescence. Merlin turned his head, enjoying the feel of Lee’s hair on his cheek. “As for the honeypot, I suppose a simple seduction on your end is acceptable.”

 

He allowed Lee to step back again, this time feeling just a little bit lighter. Lee smiled, dragging his hands away from Merlin’s body and putting them behind his back. “I appreciate it, sir.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Merlin stooped to retrieve the clipboard and made a note on it. “Now off you go, you still need to get dressed,”

 

Lee went, and Merlin assumed that it would be the end of it. Lee would no doubt pass, he and Merlin would be professional colleagues, and soon their run in would be a funny story to share.

 

 

Instead it became something to cling to on the nights when Merlin relived Lee jumping on the grenade and saving them all.       


End file.
